Selfish Doesn’t Work

I just taught you a dangerous tool: how to get what you want. Now I will teach you that what you want isn’t always what you need. Say wha?

We’re all the center of the universe, right? ah, no. Every situation is different, but I would venture to guess that you report to someone or something higher than yourself. That means you’re subject to that person, that vision, that budget, that opinion, and so on.

Whatever your situation, one of humanity’s shortcomings is it’s propensity to be selfish. It also happens to be on of the ways it is most easily aggravated. Acting selfish around a client, teammate, or superior is the fast lane to being thought of less.

What I challenge you to do is to put your own desires on the back burner for the bigger vision.

For instance, I really, really, really want a new soundboard at Journey Church. I would give anything for it. I could become selfish and demand it, but all that would get me is a negative attitude and a resounding NO by the folks with the budget. Not only that but they’d see that I’m not on board with the bigger picture. Instead I’ve learned to make the most of what I have and, more importantly, get on board with the bigger picture; realize I’m not the center of the universe. Instead of wondering why I can’t get $50k for a sound board, I realize that $50k is going toward ministries that are helping people get out of depression and putting food on other’s tables. It’s saving lives.

This bigger picture perspective helps quench my selfishness so that one day the trust and respect I get from the leadership will help me get what I NEED. And hopefully that’s a new sound board…

Small Talk

Start with something other than the topic you want to discuss. Getting right down to business always has it’s place, but if you’re looking at building a bridge with a musician, promoter, leader, or a fellow techie you need to start with small talk. Maybe try going beyond just the weather. Ask them questions.

I personally try to use the 3-deep method. Ask a surface level question, and then try to take it 2 more layers deep. People, generally speaking, LOVE talking about themselves, so a great way to bond with small talk is asking questions about THEM.

The important aspect of small talk (and really any communication) is to not always make it about you. We all know that guy. The guy or gal that always has to talk about himself or herself. They’ll always turn the conversation towards their experience or their opinion. Do not be that person. If your story would help the conversation, share it. If you’re asked for your opinion, graciously share it. If you want to talk to get the others in the conversation to pay attention to you, keep your mouth shut.

Ask, Don’t Tell

Is your mix suffering because the drummer is playing too loud? Is the guitar tone from the lead guitarist ripping everyone’s head off because it’s too piercing? Most novice engineers would go tell the drummer to play quieter. News flash, drummers do not want to play quieter… unless maybe they’re jazz players.

Or maybe you jump on the talkback and tell the guitarist to turn down his presence on his amp. This is soon followed by the guitarist turning their amp up louder to spite said sound engineer.

People, musicians especially, do not like being told what to do when it comes to their art. After all, if a random stranger came up and told you that your low-end haystack is overbearing you’d probably be standoffish. So how do you get a musician to adjust what they’re doing? It starts with establishing some sort of relationship with them. But that can’t always happen by the time you need something adjusted from stage.

The best thing you can do is to ask. But don’t just ask them to change something. Ask the guitarist if they think their amp might be piercing. He doesn’t think so? Ask him to put his head down near the mic and play, is it piercing now? “Oh, yeah, wow… I didn’t hear it from where I was standing but since the mic is here maybe I should adjust it.”

Maybe you could go up to the drummer and say, “Hi there, I’m having a hard time maintaining a comfortable mix level in the house without loosing the vocals and guitars. I think the loudness of the drums acoustically in the room is causing this. Do you think it would be possible to play a little quieter so that the clarity of the music could be improved?”

Don’t try to sound like an arrogant jerk in the way you ask things. You don’t need to act like a bumbling idiot either. Make it clear that what you’re asking for is in the best interest of them and the whole band. You are there to faithfully amplify the musical message that the band is trying to convey.

Unfortunately, sometimes you’ll get that person who just won’t listen. In those instances, if you don’t have a higher-up person to make the request to, you’ll have to just work with it. We can’t win every battle.